Losing Everything ...

Losing a battle or losing everything we thought we possessed will bring us moments of sadness. But when those moments pass, we will discover the hidden strength that exists in each of us, a strength that will surprise us and increase our self-respect."

- Coelho
- Manuscript Found in Accra

Book Report - As A Man Thinketh

As A Man Thinketh
- James Allen

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

... mind is the master-weaver, both of the inner garment of character and the outer garment of circumstance..."

Thought And Character

A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts."

Effect Of Thought On Circumstances

Thought and character are one, and as character can only manifest and discover itself through environment and circumstance, the outer conditions of a person's life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state."

Effect Of  Thought On Health And The Body

At the bidding of unlawful thoughts the body sinks rapidly into disease and decay; at the command of glad and beautiful thoughts it becomes clothed with youthfulness and beauty."

Thought And Purpose

A man should conceive of a legitimate purpose in his heart, and set out to accomplish it. He should make this purpose the centralizing point of his thoughts."

The Thought-Factor In Achievement

All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts."

Visions And Ideals

He who cherishes a beautiful vision, a lofty ideal in his heart, will one day realize it."

Serenity

The calm man, having learned how to govern himself, knows how to adapt himself to others; and they, in turn, reverence his spiritual strength, and feel that they can learn of him and rely upon him."

Book Report - The Road Less Traveled

The Road Less Traveled
- A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth
BY M. Scott Peck, M.D.
- Author of The Different Drum

... I make no distinction between the mind and the spirit, and therefore no distinction between the process of achieving spiritual growth and achieving mental growth. They are one and the same."

... this process is a complex, arduous and lifelong task. Psychotherapy, if it is to provide substantial assistance to the process of mental and spiritual growth, is not a quick or simple procedure."

I: DISCIPLINE

Problems and Pain
Delaying Gratification
The Sings of the Father
Problem-Solving and Time
Responsibility
Neuroses and Character Disorders
Escape from Freedom
Dedication to Reality
Transference: The outdated Map
Openness to Challenge
Withholding Truth
Balancing
The Healthiness of Depression
Renunciation and Rebirth

II: LOVE

Love Defined
Falling in "Love"
The Myth of Romantic Love
More About Ego Boundaries
Dependency
Cathexis Without Love
"Self-Sacrifice"
Love Is Not a Feeling
The Work of Attention
The Risk of Loss
The Risk of Independence
The Risk of Commitment
The Risk of Confrontation
Love Is Disciplined
Love Is Separateness
Love and Psychotherapy
The Mystery of Love

III: GROWTH AND RELIGION

World Views and Religion
The Religion of Science
The Case of Kathy
The Case of Marcia
The Case of Theodore
The Baby and the Bath Water
Scientific Tunnel Vision

IV: GRACE

The Miracle of Health
The Miracle of the Unconscious
The Miracle of Serendipity
The Definition of Grace
The Miracle of Evolution
The Alpha and the Omega
Entropy and Original Sin
The Problem of Evil
The Evolution of Consciousness
The Nature of Power
Grace and Mental Illness: The Myth of Orestes
Resistance to Grace
The Welcoming of Grace
Afterword

"there can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; and there can be no peace (and ultimately life) without community."

Grace ... The Evolution of Consciousness

I believe that the conscious is the seat of psychopathology and that mental disorders are disorders of consciousness. It is because our conscious self resists our unconscious wisdom that we become ill. It is precisely because our consciousness is disordered that conflict occurs between it and the unconscious which seeks to heal it. In other words, mental illness occurs when the conscious will of the individual deviates substantially from the will of God, which is the individual's own unconscious will." #RLT

The Miracle of Health

There is a force, the mechanism of which we do not fully understand, that seems to operate routinely in most people to protect and encourage their physical health even under the most adverse conditions." #RLT

Beyond the Norm: A Speculative Model of Self-Realization

Once perception is disengaged from the domination of preconception and personal interest, it is free to experience the world as it is in itself and to behold its inherent magnificence... The true wonder of the world is available everywhere, in the minutest parts of our bodies, in the vast expanses of the cosmos, and in the intimate interconnectedness of these and all things..."

Scientific Tunnel Vision

It is as if for some reason they do not want to see more than immediately meets the eye, more than what they choose to focus their attention upon." #RLT

The Road Less Traveled Pg 225

.. psychotherapists of all kinds should push themselves to become not less involved but rather more sophisticated in religious matters than they frequently are."

Sha Hustle - X-Files (How We Do It) [OFFICIAL VIDEO] (FaceFilms Toronto)

Manuscript Found in Accra

And, in Paulo Coelho's hands, Manuscript Found in Accra reveals that who we are, what we fear, and what we hope for the future come from the knowledge and belief that can be found within us, and not from the adversity that surrounds us."
#paulocoelho

Kahlil Gibran

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

A Bad Image.

Adolescents frequently complain that they are disciplined not out of genuine concern but because of parental fear that they will give their parents a bad image."
#theroadlesstraveled

Monk Meekness

In the words of an anonymous fourteenth-century British monk and spiritual teacher, "Meekness in itself is nothing else than a true knowing and feeling of a man's self as he is. Any man who truly sees and feels himself as he is must surely be meek indeed."
#theroadlesstraveled

Parents Need To Learn From Children

Parents who are unwilling to risk the suffering of changing and growing and learning from their children are choosing a path of senility - whether they know it or not - and their children and the world will leave them far behind. Learning from their children is the best opportunity most people have to assure themselves of a meaningful old age. Sadly, most do not take this opportunity."
#theroadlesstraveled

Desertion Syndrom

One of the problems that people commonly have in their adult relationships if they have never received a firm commitment from their parents is the "I'll desert you before you desert me" syndrome."
#theroadlesstraveled

Commitments continued

a cessation of parental love through death, abandonment or chronic rejection, has the effect of making the child's unrequited commitment an experience of intolerable pain."
#theroadlesstraveled

The Risk of Commitment

Anyone who is truly concerned for the spiritual growth of another knows, consciously or instinctively, that he or she can significantly foster that growth only through a relationship of constancy. Children cannot grow to psychological maturity in an atmosphere of unpredictability, haunted by the specter of abandonment. Couples cannot resolve in any healthy way the universal issues of marriage - dependency and independency, dominance and submission, freedom and fidelity, for example - without the security of knowing that the act of struggling over these issues will not itself destroy the relationship."
#theroadlesstraveled

Leap

Finally, it is only when one has taken the leap into the unknown of total selfhood, psychological independence and unique individuality that one is free to proceed along still higher paths of spiritual growth and free to manifest love in its greatest dimensions.
#theroadlesstraveled

The Risk of Independence

Growing up is the act of stepping from childhood into adulthood. Actually it is more of a fearful leap than a step, and it is a leap that many people never really take in their lifetimes. Though they may outwardly appear to be adults, even successful adults, perhaps the majority of "grown-ups" remain until their death psychological children who have never truly separated themselves from their parents and the power that their parents have over them."
#theroadlesstraveled

The Risk of Loss

Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the making of action in spite of fear, the moving out against the resistance engendered by fear into the unknown and into the future."
#theroadlesstraveled

The Work of Attention - Listen to Your Children

Finally, the more children know that you value them, that you consider them extraordinary people, the more willing they will be to listen to you and afford you the same esteem. And the more appropriate your teaching, based on your knowledge of them, the more eager your children will be to learn from you. And the more they learn, the more extraordinary they will become."
#theroadlesstraveled

Actions Speak Louder

It is clear that there may be a self-serving quality in this tendency to confuse love with the feeling of love; it is easy and not at all unpleasant to find evidence of love in one's feelings. It may be difficult and painful to search for evidence of love in one's actions."
#theroadlesstraveled

Love Is Not a Feeling

The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. This person has made a commitment to be loving whether or not the loving feeling is present. If it is, so much the better; but if it isn't, the commitment to love, the will to love, still stands and is still exercised. Conversely, it is not only possible but necessary for a loving person to avoid acting on feelings of love."
#theroadlesstraveled

Hearttalk Too Long For Twitter

Deliver a verbal bouquet.
A verbal bouquet is any affirmation which shows acceptance, appreciation, or respect for your partner. The most desired verbal bouquet might say, "You are the most important person in the world to me. I love you and care about you. I may fail you, but even when I do I want you to know I care. I am trying to meet your needs. I want to smile at you, caress you, talk with you, and tell you all the wonderful things about yourself. And if you do the same for me, I will be joyous!"
#nancylvanpelt

Quote Too Long For Twitter

If being loved is your goal, you will fail to achieve it. The only way to be assured of being loved is to be a person worthy of love, and you cannot be a person worthy of love when your primary goal in life is to passively be loved."
#theroadlesstraveled

Book Report - The Fifth Mountain

The Fifth Mountain
- Paulo Coelho
(author of The Alchemist)

[From the back of the book]:

An inspiring story of faith and triumph over suffering"

Crafted with masterful prose and clarity of vision, The Fifth Mountain is Paulo Coelho's inspiring story of the biblical prophet Elijah. Fleeing his homeland from persecution in the ninth century B.C., twenty-three-year-old Elijah takes refuge with a young widow and her son in the beautiful town of Akbar. Already struggling to maintain his sanity in a world fraught with tyranny and war, he is now forced to choose between his newly discovered love and his overwhelming sense of duty.
Evoking all the drama and intrigue of the colorful, chaotic world of the Middle East, Paulo Coelho turns the trials into an intensely moving account of a man's soul-shattering trial of faith."
---

Let me start out by saying, as I said for The Alchemist, I absolutely LOVE reading books that bring to life Bible stories that I've known my whole life but have never really been able to relate to.

I should also start out by warning that this book does not claim to be an actual/factual account of Elijah's experience, but it paints such a full picture of what Elijah's experiences 'could' have been like. It empowers my imagination to have a richer understanding of what parts of Elijah's life may have really been like.

The book starts out with Elijah, at the age of 23, facing persecution in the form of execution for his faith.
I am currently 23 years of age so it's exciting for me to identify with Elijah in this manner. Growing up as a Christian, persecution for our faith is something that was always talked (or gossiped) about. But I have never felt like I have had a clear understanding on the matter and thus I have always had a certain taboo fear of the idea. I am familiar with the idea that 'I better be prepared to die for my faith' but I have never received proper education on what that entails or training on how to deal with such dark and testing scenarios. From when I was a younger child I would have thoughts like, "okay, if they were to kill me thats one thing, but what if they're going to kill or torture my mother or sister or wife or kids???" Coelho portrays Elijah dealing with this nightmare of persecution in a very human way. Elijah's faith and trust in God waivers and fluctuates and gets really tested. I think it's healthy to see that it's ok for you to struggle with your faith and trust in God, for you to be open and honest with Him about your doubts and your weaknesses, so that you can grow and be sincere with Him wherever your at.

"Our souls are prisoners of the terror of death, and the day is beautiful," said the Levite. "Many times before, when I felt at peace with God and the world, the temperature was horrible, the desert wind filled my eyes with sand and did not permit me to see a hand's span before me. Not always does His plan agree with what we are or what we feel, but be assured that He has a reason for all of this."

The next thing that intrigued me, as someone whose passion is marriage and family, was how Coelho broke it down that the society in the nation of Israel was backwards all because the kings of Israel had developed a habit of marrying women from other nations who believed in pagan gods, despite God's specific instructions not to. The society was backwards in the sense that people who were really spiritual and connected to God were seen as crazy, and people who were crazy and worshiped gods that didn't exist were seen as spiritual. Instead of the nation doing it's best to obey God, they did what they felt was best for business. And since historically there was a plague of war, Israel thought that by doing what was best for business, they were doing what was best for peace. They thought that by making princesses from surrounding pagan countries their queens, they were establishing good relations which was good for trade and commerce between the nations. And they were right in a sense, it was good for business for peace at the moment, but it was completely destructive to their connection to God.
I think this is an amazing depiction because I believe I also live in a backwards society, where the focus is trying to find peace and prosperity using man's wisdom, at the consequence of our connection to God.

"When he learned of his king's marriage to Jezebel, princess of Tyre, he had thought it of little significance. Other kings of Israel had done the same, and the result had been a lasting peace in the region and an ever more important trade with Lebanon. Elijah scarcely cared if the people of the neighborhing country believed in gods that did not exist or dedicated themselves to strange religious practices such as worshiping animals and mountains; they were honest in their negotiations, and that was what mattered most."

This brings me to the last concept from the novel that I'm going to share with you, an issue that I so strongly relate to: the struggle of a young man deciding what to do with his life. Elijah was called to be a profit of the Lord from childhood, but this was something even his parents did not want for him, because it went against the grain of their society. Which poses such an interesting concept: people who really love and care about you might not be in support of God's will for your life. Elijah was also scared of going against the grain of his society and ended up making a comfortable life for himself by becoming a carpenter. Though this was an honorable way for him to make a living by working hard with his hands, it also came with the consequence of losing the special connection he had with his angels and his Heavenly Father. And with Elijah's business depending on trade and commerce, he also was not sensitive to Israel's interrelations with pagan countries and with their women being made Israel's queens.
I am still dealing with the issue of deciding what to pursue for my life and how. And I have always been aware of a contrast between what's safest, in terms of profit and security, against what's best for my connection with God. In the depth of my heart I am not okay sacrificing spiritual intimacy for profit and security. And I have also always considered the subject of who you marry of grave importance.

"Since childhood, he had heard voices and spoken with angels. This was when he had been impelled by his father and mother to seek out a priest of Israel who, after asking many questions, identified Elijah as a nabi, a prophet, a "man of the spirit," one who "exalts himself with the word of God."
After speaking with him for many hours, the priest told his father and mother that whatever the boy might utter should be regarded as earnest.
When they left that place, his father and mother demanded that Elijah never tell anyone what he saw and heard; to be a prophet meant having ties to the government, and that was always dangerous."

These three concepts came up at the beginning of the book and allowed me to identify with the story in a refreshing and exciting way. Facing persecution as a young man, living in a backwards society because of ill-marriage, and the struggle of deciding what to do with your life.
If your interested or intrigued, or if you can identify as well, give The Fifth Mountain a read, it's a great book. There's soooooo much more to share from the book that I'm intrigued by and that I identify with, like the concept of being afraid of love, but I can't spoon feed you everything.

"I know the word that you have written," said Elijah, storing the tablet in a fold of his cape. "I have struggled day and night against it, for, although I do not know what it awakens in a woman's heart, I know what it can do to a man. I have the courage to face the king of Israel, the princess of Sidon, the Council of Akbar, but that one word - love - inspires deep terror in me. Before you drew it on the tablet, your eyes had already seen it written in my heart."

Thanks for reading!
I am currently eating:
 How to Talk So Your Mate Will Listen and Listen So Your Mate Will Talk
- Nancy L. Van Pelt
&
 The Road Less Traveled
- M. Scott Peck
check my twitter for #NVP & #RLT exerts if your interested.

Peace & Happiness

What Are You Reading???! - Mandela | Leadership

Mandela's Way
- Richard Stengel
Fifteen Lessons on Life, Love, and Courage

Jermaine said that this book is changing his life.

From my understanding from rapping with Jermaine about this book, it's about being a leader.

My friend Trish asked me last week, "What are the five things you struggle with as a Seventh Day Adventist guy, or that you know your friends are struggling with?"

My number one answer was, "Being a leader at home, at work, at school, and at church." And I should have added, "as well as being a leader with friends and peers as well as in romantic relationships."

All of a sudden being a leader seems to be a major requirement in all aspects of my life, and I feel ill-prepared. My previous and current education on being a leader does not entail much. I had figured being a leader by example was enough, and that being sincere in my relationship with God would allow me to be a light to others. Maybe that worked for me before, but it definitely does not seem like enough for where I am at in life right now.

"What kind of example am I going to be to my children?" That is a question that I have recently begun to reverence a little bit more.

I am being vulnerable to reveal how valuable I think this book is, as well as how impressed and encouraged I am that my close friend and peer is digesting material that is so integral to our identity and to our role as men. Nevertheless as young, black, Adventist men.

Read on my brother :)

A couple of Jermaine's favourite quotes:

Courage is not letting the fear defeat you."

Emotional? Passionate? Sensitive? Quickly stung? The Nelson Mandela who emerged from prison is none of those things, at least on the surface. Today he would find all of those adjectives objectionable. Indeed, one of the sharpest criticisms he ever levels at anyone is that they are "emotional" or "too passionate" or "sensitive." Time and again the words I heard him use to praise other were "balanced," "measured," "controlled." The praise we give others is a reflection of how we perceive ourselves - and those are precisely the words he would use to describe himself."

Prison taught him self-control, discipline, and focus, the things he considers essential to leadership, and it taught him how to be fully human."

In Africa there is a concept known as 'ubuntu' - the profound sense that we are human only through the humanity of others; if we are to accomplish anything in this life it will in equal measure be to due to the work and achievements of others."

Book Report: How To Find Your Soul Mate

Falling In Love For All The Right Reasons

How To Find Your Soul Mate

Dr. Neil Clark Warren

founder of e|Harmony.com

the #1 online matching service

with Ken Abraham

I am going to be very straightforward with this post. This book brought about a lot of unsettling emotions within me. I would like to write this without putting myself back into any kind of ardent despair. Nevertheless I would be remiss if I made it seem like this book was not in many ways a pleasure to study. This is not a book that I struggled to put down. Like most of the books I read (educational relationship books) my mind gets easily overwhelmed after reading a few passages. Do not be turned off from this book because it unsettled me. The theory and content somewhat unsettled me because it does not synchronize well with a lot of the knowledge on relationships that I treasure.

Challenging perspectives can be very healthy and I value them. I also enjoy them. Entertaining beliefs that are different from my own can promote personal growth by making my ideals more well rounded as well as more, or less, firm. I do not have to agree whole heartedly with the wisdom of someone else to receive a fountain of rich knowledge from them. Wisdom is very much something that is alive and I absorbed a lot of seeds that may spring up and grow into something in the future.

Falling In Love For All The Right Reasons consists of:

The 29 Dimensions of Compatibility

The Screening Dimensions

1. Good Character

2. The Quality of Your Self-Conception

3. Watch out for Red Flags

4. Anger Management

5. Obstreperousness

6. Understandings About Family

7. Family Background

The Core Personal Dimensions

8. Intellect

9. Similar Energy levels

10. Spirituality

11. Education

12. Appearance

13. Sense of Humor

14. Mood Management

15. Traditional Versus Nontraditional Personalities

16. Ambition

17. Sexual Passion

18. Artistic Passion

19. Values

20. Industry

21. Curiosity

22. Vitality and Security

23. Autonomy Versus Closeness

Skills That Can Be Developed

24. Communication

25. Conflict Resolution

26. Sociability

Qualities That Can Be Developed

27. Adaptability

28. Kindness

29. Dominance Versus Submissiveness

Chemistry - The Key Factor

".. if you are looking for your soul mate, you must match well on nearly all the twenty-nine dimensions and then find the person with that curiously indefinable quality known as chemistry."

Love Minus Chemistry Equals Friendship

"Without chemistry, you do not have a soul mate; you have a good friend."

"Don't every marry anybody with whom you don't have a lot of chemistry."

""Passion, though a bad regulator, is a good spring." In other words, it is good at getting love going, but not so good at keeping it going. The chemistry of passion, without a base of deeper, more important compatibilities, typically lasts only about six to eight months. If you proceed to marriage on that basis alone and move too quickly, you will get yourself into a lot of trouble. But if you get into a relationship and you don't have a lot of passion, be careful.

Chemistry is the indispensable agent in your relationship; it is the glue that will hold a couple together through the hard times as well as bringing great joy to their relationship during the good times. Don't leave for your wedding without it."

Commitment - The Glue That Keeps It All Together

Seven Checkpoints Before You Say, "I Do"

1. Take plenty of time to evaluate your relationship before deciding to get married

2. Make sure you are the right age to get married.

3. Beware of being overeager.

4. Make yourself happy.

5. Make sure you have a broad spectrum of experiences before committing to marriage.

6. Make sure your expectations are realistic.

7. Address any character issues, behavioral problems, or personality quirks before getting married.

Six Promises and Bonds of Commitment

1. LOVE

2. HONOR

3. CHERISH

4. FORSAKE ALL OTHERS

5. PERFORM ALL DUTIES

6. UNDER EVERY KIND OF CIRCUMSTANCE; AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE

There are a lot of explanations, and more sections, that I am not including simply because this post is already long enough. If you have further interests you can chat with me or get a copy of the book for yourself.

This content makes me uneasy because I agree with it. I agree with it but it does not encompass all of the principles and beliefs that I am founded on and guided by. 'Take it with a grain of salt.' I absorbed certain seeds, other seeds have been watered, but I will continue to cling to the roots and vines that I have been clinging to. And I pray that God will continue to mediate my dissonance.

Book Report - The Alchemist

The Alchemist
- Paulo Coelho

I read this little piece of awesomeness a few months ago but for some sad reason I am only now getting around to blogging about it. I remember enough about it to tell you I would rather blog about it a little late than not at all. Years in the future when I am looking at this site and remembering all the books that I read, or books that other people read that I should have read, I will be pleased to stumble across the memory of this novel.

The Alchemist is not just a riveting story with vast depth and creativity, it also has a very loud theme of inspiration and destiny.

"To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation."

I actually thought the person who shared this book with me just wanted me to enjoy a good read, but now thinking about everything, they were probably trying to wet my thirst to dream and strive.

Here's an insight to the novel from the 20th anniversary version of the book that I have:

Paulo Coelho's enchanting novel has inspired a devoted following around the world. This story, dazzling in its powerful simplicity and inspiring wisdom, is about an andalusian shepherd boy named Santiago who travels from his homeland in Spain to the Egyptian desert in search of a treasure buried in the Pyramids. Along the way he meets a Gypsy woman, a man who calls himself king, and an alchemist, all of whom point Santiago in the direction of his quest. No one knows what the treasure is, or if Santiago will be able to surmount the obstacles along the way. But what starts out as a journey to find worldly goods turns into a discovery of the treasure found within. Lush, evocative, and deeply humane, the story of Santiago is an eternal testament to the transforming power of our dreams and the importance of listening to our hearts."

Reading that little preliminary again helps me to remember in better detail what happened in the novel and with those memories return a surge of pleasant emotions.

As a lifelong Christian I've been gravely invested and familiarized with stories containing characters, settings, and events that I could never relate to in a practical way. I am at a disadvantage in identifying with them because of the thousands of years between myself and the Bible stories. There are thousands of miles between where I have resided my whole life and the parts of the world written about in the Good Book, places I have never visited. In the Bible I read about shepherds, fishermen, kings, merchants, donkeys, deserts, famines, droughts, and travelling by foot. I on the other hand have always lived in a huge metropolitan city that is almost virgin to earthquakes and hurricanes, and I am exposed to ever advancing technology with cars, airplanes, cell phones, and computers.

The Alchemist brought to life certain Bible stories in such an intimate way, it aloud me to experience a world beyond my horizon. Coelho does not just plainly tell Bible stories in The Alchemist, he penned the novel to take place within the demographics, geography, culture, way of life, history, and population that relate to the Bible. For that I am very grateful, as well as very motivated to read this book again now even though I just read it a couple months ago.

I highly recommend this novel, for way more reasons than I have mentioned, but I am not trying to convince anyone to read it, I just want to remember it.

"People say strange things, the boy thought. Sometimes it's better to be with the sheep, who don't say anything. And better still to be alone with one's books. They tell their incredible stories at the time when you want to hear them. But when you're talking to people, they say some things that are so strange that you don't know how to continue the conversation."

P.s. The Alchemist has a really feel good, climatic ending.

I am anxious to read Coelho's other books. Have you read any?