How To Find Your Soul Mate
Dr. Neil Clark Warren
founder of e|Harmony.com
the #1 online matching service
with Ken Abraham
I am going to be very straightforward with this post. This book brought about a lot of unsettling emotions within me. I would like to write this without putting myself back into any kind of ardent despair. Nevertheless I would be remiss if I made it seem like this book was not in many ways a pleasure to study. This is not a book that I struggled to put down. Like most of the books I read (educational relationship books) my mind gets easily overwhelmed after reading a few passages. Do not be turned off from this book because it unsettled me. The theory and content somewhat unsettled me because it does not synchronize well with a lot of the knowledge on relationships that I treasure.
Challenging perspectives can be very healthy and I value them. I also enjoy them. Entertaining beliefs that are different from my own can promote personal growth by making my ideals more well rounded as well as more, or less, firm. I do not have to agree whole heartedly with the wisdom of someone else to receive a fountain of rich knowledge from them. Wisdom is very much something that is alive and I absorbed a lot of seeds that may spring up and grow into something in the future.
Falling In Love For All The Right Reasons consists of:
The 29 Dimensions of Compatibility
The Screening Dimensions
1. Good Character
2. The Quality of Your Self-Conception
3. Watch out for Red Flags
4. Anger Management
5. Obstreperousness
6. Understandings About Family
7. Family Background
The Core Personal Dimensions
8. Intellect
9. Similar Energy levels
10. Spirituality
11. Education
12. Appearance
13. Sense of Humor
14. Mood Management
15. Traditional Versus Nontraditional Personalities
16. Ambition
17. Sexual Passion
18. Artistic Passion
19. Values
20. Industry
21. Curiosity
22. Vitality and Security
23. Autonomy Versus Closeness
Skills That Can Be Developed
24. Communication
25. Conflict Resolution
26. Sociability
Qualities That Can Be Developed
27. Adaptability
28. Kindness
29. Dominance Versus Submissiveness
Chemistry - The Key Factor
".. if you are looking for your soul mate, you must match well on nearly all the twenty-nine dimensions and then find the person with that curiously indefinable quality known as chemistry."
Love Minus Chemistry Equals Friendship
"Without chemistry, you do not have a soul mate; you have a good friend."
"Don't every marry anybody with whom you don't have a lot of chemistry."
""Passion, though a bad regulator, is a good spring." In other words, it is good at getting love going, but not so good at keeping it going. The chemistry of passion, without a base of deeper, more important compatibilities, typically lasts only about six to eight months. If you proceed to marriage on that basis alone and move too quickly, you will get yourself into a lot of trouble. But if you get into a relationship and you don't have a lot of passion, be careful.
Chemistry is the indispensable agent in your relationship; it is the glue that will hold a couple together through the hard times as well as bringing great joy to their relationship during the good times. Don't leave for your wedding without it."
Commitment - The Glue That Keeps It All Together
Seven Checkpoints Before You Say, "I Do"
1. Take plenty of time to evaluate your relationship before deciding to get married
2. Make sure you are the right age to get married.
3. Beware of being overeager.
4. Make yourself happy.
5. Make sure you have a broad spectrum of experiences before committing to marriage.
6. Make sure your expectations are realistic.
7. Address any character issues, behavioral problems, or personality quirks before getting married.
Six Promises and Bonds of Commitment
1. LOVE
2. HONOR
3. CHERISH
4. FORSAKE ALL OTHERS
5. PERFORM ALL DUTIES
6. UNDER EVERY KIND OF CIRCUMSTANCE; AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE
There are a lot of explanations, and more sections, that I am not including simply because this post is already long enough. If you have further interests you can chat with me or get a copy of the book for yourself.
This content makes me uneasy because I agree with it. I agree with it but it does not encompass all of the principles and beliefs that I am founded on and guided by. 'Take it with a grain of salt.' I absorbed certain seeds, other seeds have been watered, but I will continue to cling to the roots and vines that I have been clinging to. And I pray that God will continue to mediate my dissonance.
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