Book Report: How To Find Your Soul Mate

Falling In Love For All The Right Reasons

How To Find Your Soul Mate

Dr. Neil Clark Warren

founder of e|Harmony.com

the #1 online matching service

with Ken Abraham

I am going to be very straightforward with this post. This book brought about a lot of unsettling emotions within me. I would like to write this without putting myself back into any kind of ardent despair. Nevertheless I would be remiss if I made it seem like this book was not in many ways a pleasure to study. This is not a book that I struggled to put down. Like most of the books I read (educational relationship books) my mind gets easily overwhelmed after reading a few passages. Do not be turned off from this book because it unsettled me. The theory and content somewhat unsettled me because it does not synchronize well with a lot of the knowledge on relationships that I treasure.

Challenging perspectives can be very healthy and I value them. I also enjoy them. Entertaining beliefs that are different from my own can promote personal growth by making my ideals more well rounded as well as more, or less, firm. I do not have to agree whole heartedly with the wisdom of someone else to receive a fountain of rich knowledge from them. Wisdom is very much something that is alive and I absorbed a lot of seeds that may spring up and grow into something in the future.

Falling In Love For All The Right Reasons consists of:

The 29 Dimensions of Compatibility

The Screening Dimensions

1. Good Character

2. The Quality of Your Self-Conception

3. Watch out for Red Flags

4. Anger Management

5. Obstreperousness

6. Understandings About Family

7. Family Background

The Core Personal Dimensions

8. Intellect

9. Similar Energy levels

10. Spirituality

11. Education

12. Appearance

13. Sense of Humor

14. Mood Management

15. Traditional Versus Nontraditional Personalities

16. Ambition

17. Sexual Passion

18. Artistic Passion

19. Values

20. Industry

21. Curiosity

22. Vitality and Security

23. Autonomy Versus Closeness

Skills That Can Be Developed

24. Communication

25. Conflict Resolution

26. Sociability

Qualities That Can Be Developed

27. Adaptability

28. Kindness

29. Dominance Versus Submissiveness

Chemistry - The Key Factor

".. if you are looking for your soul mate, you must match well on nearly all the twenty-nine dimensions and then find the person with that curiously indefinable quality known as chemistry."

Love Minus Chemistry Equals Friendship

"Without chemistry, you do not have a soul mate; you have a good friend."

"Don't every marry anybody with whom you don't have a lot of chemistry."

""Passion, though a bad regulator, is a good spring." In other words, it is good at getting love going, but not so good at keeping it going. The chemistry of passion, without a base of deeper, more important compatibilities, typically lasts only about six to eight months. If you proceed to marriage on that basis alone and move too quickly, you will get yourself into a lot of trouble. But if you get into a relationship and you don't have a lot of passion, be careful.

Chemistry is the indispensable agent in your relationship; it is the glue that will hold a couple together through the hard times as well as bringing great joy to their relationship during the good times. Don't leave for your wedding without it."

Commitment - The Glue That Keeps It All Together

Seven Checkpoints Before You Say, "I Do"

1. Take plenty of time to evaluate your relationship before deciding to get married

2. Make sure you are the right age to get married.

3. Beware of being overeager.

4. Make yourself happy.

5. Make sure you have a broad spectrum of experiences before committing to marriage.

6. Make sure your expectations are realistic.

7. Address any character issues, behavioral problems, or personality quirks before getting married.

Six Promises and Bonds of Commitment

1. LOVE

2. HONOR

3. CHERISH

4. FORSAKE ALL OTHERS

5. PERFORM ALL DUTIES

6. UNDER EVERY KIND OF CIRCUMSTANCE; AS LONG AS WE BOTH SHALL LIVE

There are a lot of explanations, and more sections, that I am not including simply because this post is already long enough. If you have further interests you can chat with me or get a copy of the book for yourself.

This content makes me uneasy because I agree with it. I agree with it but it does not encompass all of the principles and beliefs that I am founded on and guided by. 'Take it with a grain of salt.' I absorbed certain seeds, other seeds have been watered, but I will continue to cling to the roots and vines that I have been clinging to. And I pray that God will continue to mediate my dissonance.

Book Report - The Alchemist

The Alchemist
- Paulo Coelho

I read this little piece of awesomeness a few months ago but for some sad reason I am only now getting around to blogging about it. I remember enough about it to tell you I would rather blog about it a little late than not at all. Years in the future when I am looking at this site and remembering all the books that I read, or books that other people read that I should have read, I will be pleased to stumble across the memory of this novel.

The Alchemist is not just a riveting story with vast depth and creativity, it also has a very loud theme of inspiration and destiny.

"To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation."

I actually thought the person who shared this book with me just wanted me to enjoy a good read, but now thinking about everything, they were probably trying to wet my thirst to dream and strive.

Here's an insight to the novel from the 20th anniversary version of the book that I have:

Paulo Coelho's enchanting novel has inspired a devoted following around the world. This story, dazzling in its powerful simplicity and inspiring wisdom, is about an andalusian shepherd boy named Santiago who travels from his homeland in Spain to the Egyptian desert in search of a treasure buried in the Pyramids. Along the way he meets a Gypsy woman, a man who calls himself king, and an alchemist, all of whom point Santiago in the direction of his quest. No one knows what the treasure is, or if Santiago will be able to surmount the obstacles along the way. But what starts out as a journey to find worldly goods turns into a discovery of the treasure found within. Lush, evocative, and deeply humane, the story of Santiago is an eternal testament to the transforming power of our dreams and the importance of listening to our hearts."

Reading that little preliminary again helps me to remember in better detail what happened in the novel and with those memories return a surge of pleasant emotions.

As a lifelong Christian I've been gravely invested and familiarized with stories containing characters, settings, and events that I could never relate to in a practical way. I am at a disadvantage in identifying with them because of the thousands of years between myself and the Bible stories. There are thousands of miles between where I have resided my whole life and the parts of the world written about in the Good Book, places I have never visited. In the Bible I read about shepherds, fishermen, kings, merchants, donkeys, deserts, famines, droughts, and travelling by foot. I on the other hand have always lived in a huge metropolitan city that is almost virgin to earthquakes and hurricanes, and I am exposed to ever advancing technology with cars, airplanes, cell phones, and computers.

The Alchemist brought to life certain Bible stories in such an intimate way, it aloud me to experience a world beyond my horizon. Coelho does not just plainly tell Bible stories in The Alchemist, he penned the novel to take place within the demographics, geography, culture, way of life, history, and population that relate to the Bible. For that I am very grateful, as well as very motivated to read this book again now even though I just read it a couple months ago.

I highly recommend this novel, for way more reasons than I have mentioned, but I am not trying to convince anyone to read it, I just want to remember it.

"People say strange things, the boy thought. Sometimes it's better to be with the sheep, who don't say anything. And better still to be alone with one's books. They tell their incredible stories at the time when you want to hear them. But when you're talking to people, they say some things that are so strange that you don't know how to continue the conversation."

P.s. The Alchemist has a really feel good, climatic ending.

I am anxious to read Coelho's other books. Have you read any?